Is there a way to force optimism to surface? To coax it from the shadows? I mean, it's there, it certainly is. I feel it sometimes, the optimism, the breathless excitement. That feeling is soon overshadowed by pervasive worry, fear, and the feeling of being a turtle crossing a highway.
When did I become such a worry-wart? I used to tease my parents and grand-parents for being worry-warts. Uh oh. Is it genetic? Did I get it from my parents, who got it from there parents, and so on? Am I doomed to days of shadow, followed by moments of sunlight?
I think too damn much. I do. I've got a lot of processing capability in my brain, and instead of putting it towards something productive, I waste it on trivialities and truths that can't be known. I read too much sci-fi; I want to know the future. I want to sift through the millions of possibilities, pick one that leads to something good, and do it, knowing that things will be alright.
How are some people so care-free? The future to me is a looming storm; lightning-charged and heavy with the unknown. I can't help but look at it. Maybe others are blind to it. I need blinders.
I'm restless; I've got this annoying trait where when I think of something that needs to be done, I want to do it NOW. It is annoying to those around me, and frustrating for me. What do you mean we have a month to get this done; let's just do it now! Of course, this trait has its uses when it comes to schoolwork and applications and such, but life isn't academia, unfortunately.
I would say I need a vacation, but I don't think that would help. I need calm.
I need to say: hey, is that the optimism that I see sometimes? Lemme lasso it, put it in a jar and keep it in my pocket.