Watercolorin'!

I had a productive weekend, and a lazy weekend at the same time. How is that possible? Well, the exam I was dreading on Friday turned out to not be so awful after all. I still haven't gotten my grade back, but it was a relief to have understood how to answer most of the questions. [Gonna meander here for a second... I now realize why my friends think I'm crazy when I freak out about exams/grades! I do it almost every test and afterwards I feel silly cause it usually isn't as bad as I thought. I don't think I have test anxiety or anything but I feel like I'm getting much harder on myself as my academic career progresses!] So I felt much better about things and tried very hard to be a complete bum, lay around, relax, sleep in, nap... Sleep is such a luxury! However I was very productive with art and made three 9x12 inch watercolor paintings.
I am very jealous of all my classmates that don't have classes this summer, or who are only taking a couple classes. I might just have to plan a mini-vacation at the end of the summer, or I'll go crazy! (assuming I can afford it, *sob*)
So here are my newest paintings, which, I must point out were all intended as some much-needed landscape practice. 

Painting number one! Doom likes this one best because of all the black/dark values. I like the grass in the front.. and the sky/treeline. But the fence was so gosh darned hard to do for some reason!

Painting number 2. Seeing as I usually feel like such a n00b at shading horse faces, I'm fairly pleased with how this turned out. Though the anatomy is weird if you look close enough. I think I did better with the middle section of grass in this.

Painting number 3! (I just finished it like 10 minutes ago, bahahaha) Something a little different, I loved shading with the blue, though it shows up kinda weird and it was a challenge to figure out. It's not perfect but it was nice to paint something desert-y! Oh yes, I must confess, I couldn't draw the paws for sh** so I cheated and hid them with rocks and plants. So pathetic, huh? hahaha *note to self: practice canine anatomy!*

Addicted to ATC's

Miniature art is so addicting! Here are my most recent ones:

In other news, I emailed my teacher yesterday since I didn't go to class, and the jerk didn't email me back. Now I'm stressed about my exam today. I'm so tiiired of being stressed. I just want to cry. I hope things get better. I hate feeling this way, I can have a tendency to take it out on those closest to me. >_<

Burden

Sometimes knowing things about yourself and others, without being able to share the burden, can be completely unbearable. It really does eat away at you. Its hard to come up with rational conclusions on your own. I'm grateful for the friends that I have, but when I can't even share with them, I'm glad I have Doom. Opening up to him lifts some of the overwhelming feelings off of my shoulders, and lets me think clearly. It's not easy, sharing your deepest darkest secrets, but it feels so... purifying. The more I hold something in, the more it rots and festers, but the instant I let it out, I can see that it isn't that bad, in the end. It helps me realize that I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be, but its okay that I've made mistakes in the past.
I know now that bravery, confidence and strength stem from being calm in the face of things that terrify you. I can't be so afraid of everything that I stop trying. Its a good thing Doom is so much calmer about things, he balances me out. I can be such a spaz.
So where did this post come from? I've recently learned a horrible story about a friend that would crush her if she knew. But it's something that happened so long ago, that I'm not sure bringing it up would change anything, or if it would change EVERYTHING. Either way, I swore to Doom that I wouldn't say a word. Because the situation is complicated now.
Besides that issue, I've been dealing with stress lately and I've recently spilled my guts to Doom about some things from my past, and I feel better. Strange, but better.

Yikes, I'm 20 and I still don't feel like an adult. I guess growing up is about being honest with yourself, and messing up until you figure it out. At least I know I'm never alone.

Feral Faces

Had another good clinic, I did a lot of the shaving now that the normal male-cat-shaver is leaving soon for vet school! There was another death, this time not due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, surprisingly. The cat who died at this clinic, I was told after the autopsy, had a hernia in his diaphragm so a lot of the contents of its abdomen were in its chest and he must not have been able to breathe very well at all. There were also a lot of cats in bad shape due to being rescued from a hoarding situation.
So now I'm exhausted and paranoid about fleas, and I stink too! Good-bye blog, hello shower! 

Wordless

Summer's in full swing!

Summer is in full swing, I've barely gotten to breathe after spring finals before I threw myself back into the game! Math is such a dull subject. I've always struggled with it, I remember struggling with it in middle school and high school, and college is no different. Unfortunately, I've chosen a major that requires up to calculus I! (thankfully I've already taken and passed calc I, I'm just retaking a math class I bombed). I've always wished I could be good at math, maybe then I could've been an engineer and gone to space or something awesome like that! But the most I can hope for is to survive this class and then be done with math forever (except for a stats class I believe I will take sometime in the future). So, I've taken my first exam today, 2 more weeks and 2 more tests to go before I get to experience the joys of physics!

 <--
 So after a few days of this, I got to experience more of this! -->

I feel like a studying zombie!

I promised I'd update on my grades for spring, as they FINALLYgot put up in the middle of the week. I passed all my classes, and my lowest grade was a B (ochem, shocker, huh?). I can't complain too much, in fact I'm pleased that my GPA is slooowly creeping upwards. I'm SO relieved to be done with French (after 4 years of high school French and 2 semesters of college French, I just wanted to pull my hair out!)
So that is my summer, I hope I will soon get to have fun and actually do something with my life soon, but as Doom is preoccupied with Diablo III right now, I'm not so sure if it'll be sooner rather than later! 

Surreal

So, over the past few days I've finished up finals and my parents flew out to go see my brother's graduation. Although I spent MUCH of this weekend fretting about grades and about that job interview (still in the process of getting it... I'll update when I actually know what's happening!) I've enjoyed these few days for a few reasons:

1. Doom stayed over and we got to enjoy being lazy, and doing the things we want to do (like painting, and pizza, and swimming, and pokemon, and sleeping in!) I very much prefer him staying over to me going over to his apartment because  it's hot, and the boys don't like to turn on the air conditioning cause they're poor. It's not often we get to just enjoy more than a few hours without worrying about homework and studying, so I verily much appreciate the carefree time we get.
2. No parents, and a house to myself. Need I say more? (Walking around the house sans-pants is a WIN in my opinion). The only downside is that I am not very capable of fighting roaches on my own and now that it's hot, the little buggers are crawling around, making me paranoid as HECK.
3. Quality time with the dogs, cause my poor pups get too neglected during the semester!
4. Art time! I don't know why art makes me so happy but it does. 
5. I needed something of a break. I'm very bad at figuring out how to unwind after a semester. 

Doom and the Frivolous Puppy

Post-swimming relaxation

Post-swimming craziness

And somehow, I found inspiration to make lots of arts. >~<

Here's to the little things that keep you going. ;)

I never know what to do with myself.

 It's true: I just do NOT know what to do with myself when the semester ends. This one seemed to end so abruptly. It's funny how I can paint when I'm completely crunched for time, and yet as soon as I'm free to do whatever I want, my mind goes absolutely blank. I made a bunch of ATC's in the past couple weeks as I studied for exams, but today, with hours of free time, all I can manage is ONE ATC, and I ruined the other 2 that I attempted.

Newest ATC, post-semester

Well, whatever this strange artblock is, I won't have too worry too much soon cause summer term starts Monday for me.
Edited to add: Well I guess I managed to salvage one of the ATC's I had thought I ruined today:

Finally finals

Finals are now over. Studying for them was a nightmare for some reason, I felt as if I wasn't a very productive studier this semester. Overall, I'm kicking myself because while in some ways I did better this semester, I still have a LOT of work to do to make myself a better student and to reach  my full potential. I know if I can remain focused this summer, not only will I survive physics, but I will really cement in some good study habits. My fall schedule looks promising though, full of science classes.
We shall see the grades of all my classes soon, hopefully I don't have to retake any (I'm lookin' at you, organic chemistry!) And hopefully I don't cry when I see them, haha.
So, this weekend I don't have anything to do except relax, catch up on sleep, and, OH yeah, did I mention I have an interview? I'll mention more later. I don't wanna jinx myself now!
I guess now it is officially my summer! My, how time flies.

Fruit Time!

What is it? :3

If you guessed lychee you are correct! Om nom nom, Litchi chinensis. The skin reminds me of lizard skin. They have to be one of my favorite fruits. Okay back to my hidey-hole for studying and brain-murderizing. :]

The Untold Story of The Dog

I just read a recent news story titled "Las Vegas Family Dog Kills Baby"and it makes me sad.Yes, the story is tragic and I feel bad for the baby, and the family for their loss, but I am even more sad about the untold story here: the story of the dog.
As we all know, thousands of years ago dogs were domesticated. Humans took them into our lives and our homes, we bred them for what we wanted and needed, and as such they are completely reliant on us in our human society of suburban homes and swimming pools and parks and traffic and laws that they cannot even comprehend. There is a truth about dogs that I feel people overlook: we must take all responsibility for them, their actions, their behavior, the consequences of everything they do. If you take a dog into your home, from that moment on that animal is YOUR responsibility.
So, they say the family dog had never done this before, so they say that that dog and that baby were friends of sorts, but they take this at face value from the family. It is easier to say, "It just happened" than to take the blame for it. Perhaps the family was ignorant of dog behavior and dog training. It is possible to not know Fido as well as you'd like to think. Having a dog means having a relationship with that dog, and relationships take work. You don't just take your brand new puppy home and expect him to be that perfectly behaved pooch you've always wanted. But being ignorant is no excuse, it is still your responsibility as an owner to educate yourself of everything about your dog. People too often get pets without realizing what it really takes. These are no toys that we are taking home, they are living breathing animals with complex behavior!
The family's description of the dog is no sufficient history for this dog. Where did they get the dog? How desensitized was the dog to the baby? What kind of training methods did they use? No one asked these questions for the dog, whose humans abandoned him for a mistake he made... and now he will die.

I am not claiming to know what the family did to and for the dog, or to know why the dog did what he did, in the end all I want is for people to see that if we don't start asking questions, animals will suffer. What will anyone gain from this tragic news story? A fear of mastiffs? How helpful is that to the world when we could take home a lesson on behavior, training and the human-dog relationship?
Perhaps we should look deeper into our "best friends" rather than taking them for granted.When I showed this story to my good friend (and if you read her blog you can see that she is deeply interested in dog behavior and is also VERY well-read on the subject), Dogert, she shared her opinion on the subject:
"There are ALWAYS signs. Always. Even if there is an underlying medical condition there are signs that are either being forgotten by those who don't care enough to record and inquire, or ignored.
The scenario most common to dog attacks is this: dog and child are "playing" and dog gets tired so gives a tiny warning growl. This is what dogs do, they communicate. Parents take this as a sign of aggression and scold the dog. Now, dog thinks of the child as causing bad things to happen, and unsafe because his people won't protect him from the stressful baby. So dog suppresses his communication and leaves when things get stressful. However, baby starts becoming mobile and no longer can dog escape so easily. What is the dog supposed to do? Sit there and take the abuse from a pulling pinching hitting child all day long? Dog thinks he has to protect himself. Ironically, this dog is a bully breed relative. Such breeds have temperaments specific to be tolerant towards humans. Again, there were signs. There were probably lots of signs. They were either ignored, forgotten in the tragedy or through neglect, or the owners didn't bother to do anything to learn what their dog was saying.
Second issue appears that this dog had no bite inhibition. Bite inhibition is obtained when a puppy plays with other puppies and learns to control puppy's mouth. Teeth are sharp so when puppy bites siblings or parents they squeal and stop playing. This is no fun, so puppy learns not to bite so hard. Bite inhibition is often destroyed by well meaning but ignorant owners who scold their puppy for biting. This teaches a dog to suppress opening it's mouth in the first place, but does nothing to teach the pup that its teeth hurt, which is the reason. In more mouthy puppies, such constant scolding can cause the puppy to become defensive or simply confused as to the humans behavior, and encourage a lack of trust. Puppies taken away from their parents too soon also develop limited bite inhibition, which can be encouraged by the intelligent owner but there is no substitute for a mom and siblings communicating in your own language.
It all comes back to the parents. They fostered a house of ignorance and mistrust. They did not look for or see the signs. Their child's death is tragic, but their own fault. Perhaps next time (if) they get a dog they will not be so negligent. Personally this kind of thing happens so often, I do not find the human-dog relationship to be so often loving and happy as propaganda implies."