Thursday, May 24, 2012


Sometimes knowing things about yourself and others, without being able to share the burden, can be completely unbearable. It really does eat away at you. Its hard to come up with rational conclusions on your own. I'm grateful for the friends that I have, but when I can't even share with them, I'm glad I have Doom. Opening up to him lifts some of the overwhelming feelings off of my shoulders, and lets me think clearly. It's not easy, sharing your deepest darkest secrets, but it feels so... purifying. The more I hold something in, the more it rots and festers, but the instant I let it out, I can see that it isn't that bad, in the end. It helps me realize that I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be, but its okay that I've made mistakes in the past.
I know now that bravery, confidence and strength stem from being calm in the face of things that terrify you. I can't be so afraid of everything that I stop trying. Its a good thing Doom is so much calmer about things, he balances me out. I can be such a spaz.
So where did this post come from? I've recently learned a horrible story about a friend that would crush her if she knew. But it's something that happened so long ago, that I'm not sure bringing it up would change anything, or if it would change EVERYTHING. Either way, I swore to Doom that I wouldn't say a word. Because the situation is complicated now.
Besides that issue, I've been dealing with stress lately and I've recently spilled my guts to Doom about some things from my past, and I feel better. Strange, but better.
Yikes, I'm 20 and I still don't feel like an adult. I guess growing up is about being honest with yourself, and messing up until you figure it out. At least I know I'm never alone.

1 comment:

  1. You can tell me anything you know... I may not always say the right things but I can always refrain from saying anything at all. :) What a beautiful picture too!