...so easily

Not sure how to feel, when I feel like I try my hardest, but its not enough. Life does that, sometimes. Its like its screaming, "Why don't you die?" But I hang on, attached by fraying threads and rusting chains, resilient. "Keep on trying, I'm not dying so easily." There's no room for being upset, there is only room in my life for more effort.
Its not all difficult things that have happened recently, I attended a fantastic presentation by a veterinarian who teaches at one of the top veterinary colleges. He talked mostly about the veterinary profession, (history, future, etc.) and it was rather inspiring. And then I went to dinner with him, and a bunch of other of the pre-vet students. Just talking to him and all the students who are in the same boat that I'm in was a fantastically cleansing experience. I feel alive. "I will not die."
And earlier in the week, I saw an island veterinary school present, and, at the very least, it showed me a future.
And I dreamed about riding a gray mare. It was strange, like all dreams are, but beautiful.
And at the moment, it is cold and raining in this lonely desert I live in, and this makes me happy. <3

All bolded words in quotations are lyrics from System by Korn.Quite liking their songs. :)